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We teach our kids how to cross the road and tie their shoes, but do we give them the tools they need to give and receive love in a healthy way? One of the most important things a parent can do is model love and caring in their interactions with others. Whether it’s showing love for a family member, friend or partner, children often grow up and love others the way they were taught to love as a child.
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Love and caring can be expressed in a range of ways which can include touch, words, gifts, service and time. A thoughtful gift can have meaning for both the person giving and the person receiving. Acts of service, including small chores or favours, can show care. Giving your children the gift of your undivided time either by scheduling it or grabbing it when the opportunity arises demonstrates love and interest in them.
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Love for family: Children can be encouraged to help each other and be involved in making or brainstorming ideas for gifts for birthdays or other celebrations. And, as much as possible, everyone needs to preserve some screen-free time for connection.
Children of similar ages naturally disagree as they develop together through the years. They can be taught how to work out their issues in a healthy way. It’s helpful to show them how to get through a disagreement without blaming each other. Rather than seeing the other person as ‘bad,’ they can be taught to separate the action from the person which helps build empathy for each other.
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Love for friends: Friends are a big focus in the lives of tweens and teens. It’s crucial to teach them to treat each other with respect and kindness; but it’s also good for them to be aware how their friends affect their mood. If a friend is bringing them down or causing them stress, something needs to change. Encourage kids to talk to you about their friendships. If they’re having a problem, try to understand their point of view. Help your child understand the other’s perspective and work out ways to solve the problem.
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As your children get older, some may begin to try to find a partner to build a relationship with. Parents often aren’t sure what their role should be when a child is old enough to start dating.
Youth do look to parents for guidance and you often have more influence than you realize. With this in mind, you may want to share the following suggestions with your child. You can start bringing these things up long before they start dating, and continue affirming them as they get older.
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Look for someone you feel comfortable with. Being comfortable with someone means:
You can be yourself around them
You can have different opinions on something, and know that it’s okay
You trust each other when you’re not together
You aren’t pressured to do things you don’t want to do (like going somewhere you don’t want to go, or wearing something you don’t want to wear etc) |
Know the signs of an unhealthy relationship. If you are in an unhealthy relationship your partner might:
Be critical of you and make you feel bad
Try to keep you away from friends or family
Want to check your phone messages
Use social media to monitor you
Threaten that something bad will happen if you break up
Force you to do things you don’t want to do
Physically hurt you
Make you feel guilty
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Be your own person. It’s natural to share interests with the person you’re dating but you also need to keep developing an identity outside of that person as well. Have an interest that’s just yours. It will improve your self confidence which makes you more likely to be confident in your relationship.
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Know the difference between good and bad conflict. We tend to think of conflict as a bad thing, but it isn’t always. Conflict can even bring people closer together if they are able to stick to these rules during a disagreement:
Explain how you feel and be specific
Listen to how your partner feels and try to be understanding
Avoid generalizations
Don‘t bring up past disagreements
Try to say things that are productive—rather than critical
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| Consent is an important concept for children to learn about from an early age. It can lead to better relationships with family, friends, peers and eventually, romantic partners. As a parent, you may have heard the word ‘consent’ but you may not know exactly what it includes. Simply put, consent is permission for something to happen or an agreement to do something. Consent requires respect and communication.
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Consent includes knowing and respecting your own boundaries as well as the boundaries of others. Understanding consent means that a person has the skills to leave a situation that doesn’t feel comfortable, and respects when other people want to do the same.
Consent is also important for online interactions and relationships. Consent extends to sexting – sending, receiving and sharing content online such as photos and videos.
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It’s important to talk to your child about consent when they’re young. Here are some tips that will help your child begin to understand consent:
Help your child understand that their bodies are their own and that they have the right to make decisions about their body. This includes letting your child decide if they would like to offer or receive a hug or kiss from family members or friends rather than assuming they do.
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| Encourage your child to pay attention and respect other people’s cues about personal boundaries by watching body language. For example, a person may take a few steps back to protect their space or they may move over slightly when someone sits too close to them.
Practice with your child what they can say and do if they were in a situation where they didn’t feel comfortable.
Encourage your child to speak up if something doesn’t feel right.
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Encourage your child to ask for consent such as asking first if they can give someone a hug.
Teach your child to respect ‘no’ messages. For example, if your children are roughhousing with each other and one of them says “Stop” they must respect that message.
Teach your child about protecting privacy and online safety. Help them understand the importance of seeking permission before sharing something like a photo or video that is about someone else.
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Age of consent to sexual activity: The age of consent is the age at which a young person can legally agree to sexual activity. Age of consent laws apply to all forms of sexual activity, ranging from kissing and fondling to sexual intercourse.
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Canada's age of consent: The age of consent to sexual activity is 16 years. In some cases, the age of consent is higher (for example, when there is a relationship of trust, authority or dependency). In other words, a person must be at least 16 years old to be able to legally agree to sexual activity with an adult.
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Close in age exception for 12 and 13 year olds: A 12 or 13 year old can consent to sexual activity with a partner as long as the partner is less than two years older and there is no relationship of trust, authority or dependency or any other exploitation of the young person. This means that if the partner is 2 years or older than the 12 or 13 year old, any sexual activity is a criminal offence.
Close in age exceptions for 14 and 15 year olds: A 14 or 15 year old can consent to sexual activity as long as the partner is less than five years older and there is no relationship of trust, authority or dependency or any other exploitation of the young person. This means that if the partner is 5 years or older than the 14 or 15 year old, any sexual activity is a criminal offence.
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Foundry's Provincial Virtual Services Youth and Family Councils is looking for young people (between12-25) to join our youth council and family members to join our family/caregiver council. The Councils are open to those who have used Foundry's Provincial Virtual Services. This could be a peer support session, counselling, a group, or our drop-in services.
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| Do you enjoy the monthly Snapshots?
Do you have suggestions on how to improve the Snapshots?
Do you have ideas for future topics?
Let us know!
We would love to hear from you!
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